Tori: I think given the choice between not living a genuine life or getting to the end of your life and wondering what if, the latter scares me so much more than the former that I guess this is the reason I'm here today. There was a moment that I knew this was gonna happen, and all of a sudden it clicked. I remember sitting there, it was a sunny day, I was at the beach, and it's just, this is right, this is who I was meant to be. I can't even explain that feeling, and anybody that's thinking about transitioning and is listening to that, they'll know, there'll be something along those lines, they'll sit there and go, yep, I know that moment, or there was a point in time. My name's Tori and who I am is not just about gender. If you are transitioning, you've had time to think about this, probably way more time than you want, and it's taken up a lot of bandwidth to think about the people in your life that haven't even thought about it. Most of the people in your life haven't had a trans person in their life, they dunno what it's like. And maybe it shouldn't be this way, but part of it is to help them through the journey, think about what it would be like for them to go through it, and help them through the conversation, because relationships are two way. That it's not just about yourself, it's about the people around you too. I do think by being able to take people through the journey has been a huge part of it.

Tori: Hey Pet, how you doing?

Petra: Yeah, good. How are you?

Tori: Did you ever think you'd be on the other side of a Zoom call having a conversation about your younger sibling transitioning?

Petra: No.

Tori: But here we find ourselves, right?

Petra: Yeah.

Tori: Yeah, you sit there and reflect internally on yourself. One of the questions I almost got asked is like, what was it like for you going through this? And I've actually never even thought about that before, right?

Petra: I remember the first time you sort of asked me some sort of medical type question about what it would it take to transition? And I sort of thought, oh, this is more a curiosity of yours rather than something you were actually contemplating. And I think you sort of brushed it off a bit.

Tori: I know we sort of probably kept the lid on it for a long period of time, right, because that what I was going through, it was quite personal, etcetera. When you started to tell people, how did you go about doing that? Did most people just sort of like, oh yeah, fine, or do a couple of people, I would've thought some people would've just gone, wow, I didn't expect that either type of thing?

Petra: I don't think I got anybody who went, oh, yuck, or, oh, what the hell, or anything like that. It was like, oh, wow. Oh, wow, that must have been really hard. Oh, good on her. Maybe it says something about the people we hang around with.

Tori: Sure there's gonna be people that will not come along the journey, but you sort of increase your chances I guess, by doing that.

Petra: Honestly, when you think about, a lot of fear is about people's response and so on. But really people go, oh, okay. It sounded like the way you came out at work, you put a lot of effort into that. I think you'd sort of prepared a PowerPoint and actually did a great big talk. And it was, oh my God, I mean, that's a really big thing. That's heavily emotionally putting yourself out there in a vulnerable space, but it's also about educating people, and I suppose it's jumping in the deep end and getting, you know, to mix metaphors, ripping the bandaid off.

Tori: I had a huge amount of support from the role where I transitioned at, like we spent nine months with HR. I spent nine months, maybe a day a week with HR, and going, how are we gonna communicate this to the broader business?

Byan: I think Tori went out on limb to talk to me six months before she, you know, the transformation was discussed or announced in our company. I was shocked and there was a bit of disbelief, but it didn't take me long to realise that, you know, this is an incredibly brave thing that she's doing and she needed support. There were many occasions where she would bounce a few things off me, for example, whether she should stay or she should leave. And I realised later on, you know, these are really important questions that, you know, that would've been difficult for her to answer by herself. So just by being there it was probably the best thing I could have done.

Tori: I had three days where I sat down and communicated both with my team, the broader team, office staff, etcetera. And I think that's a big part of it because, and whilst it necessarily shouldn't be that way and we should be able to turn up tomorrow and go, this is my authentic self, relationships are born over time.

Byan: She had a PowerPoint presentation, I think it was project Phoenix, and I think, you know, and of course this is typical of Tori, she sort of. Nothing is, there's multilayers to everything, so you know, Phoenix rising from the ashes. And I think that was how she saw herself, like this was her true self coming forth. That presentation was made to the department which was probably about 25, 30 people. So went through the presentation and, you know, there was a lot of shock and people started asking a lot of questions straight away, and some of them were, you know, not sorts of questions I would've asked personally, but you know, I remember her sort of taking it in a stride. It was really an amazing sort of one hour period where this presentation actually took place.

Tori: I thought I was gonna burn a lot of relationships in my life. You prepare yourself that it's absolutely gonna be horrendous. And the amount of support I've had has actually been overwhelming, like I've been incredibly humbled by it. I do recall ringing up my sister and I was sobbing, heaving mess, wasn't in a good state.

Petra: Tori rang me, and you know, I could tell you about your voice that you were crying, upset, in fact, you could barely speak, and I just had to sit on the end of the phone and just wait a bit. And it was really, am I doing the right thing? What am I doing? What is, you know, just questioning yourself. And I think you just had to go through that process and actually verbalise that. And I was just the person at the other end, I ended up in tears too, but I was just the person that you were able to express that to. And I think just to encourage you to, you know, stick with this, this is who you are, this is what you want. Give yourself a bit of time there to be a bit compassionate, you've just gone through a whole lot of, you know, outing yourself to all these people. I think just listening really helped you.

Tori: Yep.

Petra: It's good to know you are there, you've certainly listened to my meltdowns on the end of the phone, so it's good to have a sister like that.

Tori: Thank you.

Tori: For me, I thought it was about being respectful of those relationships, either being a work sense, or a family sense, or broader, Facebook. Like part of what I did is my old profile, if you wanna look at it like that, and I put two photos up side by side and said, guys, I need to give you a heads up, this is happening, this is the person that you thought you knew, and this is the person that I would like to become. The bit that blew me away about that was I think I had about 350 or 400 messages of support from that. I just did not expect that to happen. It's been a hell of a ride. It's definitely had its highs and its lows. The one thing I would say, it tests your resilience overall, you still get misgendered a lot during the journey, you have to be prepared for that in a way, you have to realise that people are trying the best that they can, and to concede that.

Bryan: If someone seeks you out for support, give it and give it unconditionally. That's really important. Life is short, it can be shorter than you think, and things can change very, very quickly.

Petra: I think there was a part of me for a little while, had a bit of grief for somebody that I knew that wasn't gonna be around anymore, that I'm gonna lose my little brother. And then I go, oh, look, there's somebody else in my life now, I've got a sister.

Tori: This, everything here is part of who I am, not just about how I look or what my face looks, and don't get me wrong, I spend far too much time in the mirror thinking about what I look like or what other people do. But as human beings, we are so much more than that, and it's easy to get sort of focused on it, that's the only thing. I can still go out on the town and get glammed up with a gorgeous evening dress. I'll come down to the farm and drive around on a tractor or wheel the chainsaw just like I used to. I almost feel like I won the lottery in that regard. I can be who I am, and do the things that I want to, and not have to choose. Do I regret taking as long as I did to get here? No, I think everybody has to do it in the time that they're ready for it. Don't push yourself, it's your journey, and when you're ready, you'll know.